so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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