the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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