How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
