Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
