Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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