Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
