I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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