You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize