$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
