that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
