is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
