Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
