My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
