Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
