all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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