in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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