ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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