Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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