what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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