Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
