So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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