omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
