I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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