Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
