You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
