we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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