We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
