Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
