wat bout pragnant strippers??
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
