Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I will be naked everywhere
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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