I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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