Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
