Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
