Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
