All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i already hear my dad disowning me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
