Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
