I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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