I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
