you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
