Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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