Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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