I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I miss vodka workout Fridays
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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