just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
