I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
