I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
