Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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