Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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