Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i need some magic done to my vagina
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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