I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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