were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
