Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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