did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize