I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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