I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
