Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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