I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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