apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
