Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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