i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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