a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
