so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you would pick up someone in the library
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
