im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
