OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
