Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
