I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
