This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
