I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
