If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
