Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
