yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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