I smell stomach acid.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize