WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
