I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
