I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
