I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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