vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
