he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Randomize
