Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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