Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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