she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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